When we or someone close to us lose the people we love, we often search for the right thing to say or do. Funerals are no exception, right down to the scent we put on our skin for the celebration of life.
To provide an anchor when you may feel unmoored, this guide will show you’ll want to consider when choosing a funeral scent. I’m sorry you’re in the position of reading it.
Importance of Choosing the Right Scent
Selecting an appropriate perfume for a funeral is a delicate matter that requires careful consideration. The scent you wear should be respectful and comforting, reflecting the solemnity of the occasion while offering solace to those in mourning.
How to Choose Perfume for a Funeral
While personal preference plays a role in choosing a perfume, it's essential to prioritize respect for the deceased and their loved ones. Choose fragrances that are subtle, understated, and soothing, avoiding anything overly strong or attention-grabbing.
Deceased’s wishes and your relationship with the deceased
If you knew the deceased well, you may already have a sense of their funeral wishes. They may have been told directly, or an aspect of the music and tone they’d prefer. You can honour your loved one with a scent evoking these preferences or the smells, tastes and sights they loved in life. You could choose your scent based on an private joke you shared, an old nickname, or a treasured memory of you together.
Your relationship with the deceased’s loved ones
People often compartmentalise the different areas of their life, so if you didn’t know the deceased other friends or family well you shouldn’t judge yourself too harshly. That said, it’s important to note that their relationship with the deceased may differ from yours, and they may have a different understanding of the deceased. If you can, discuss this with them before the day of the funeral. This will help you choose a scent that honours your loved one without offending theirs.
Cultural considerations and nature of funeral service
In this vein, there may be additional cultural considerations when it comes to family and community. These can be religious, social, or regional and may impact the tone of the funeral service. Do your research to note if particular funeral scents should be avoided or ask directly to avoid offence. This may seem silly, particularly as they’ll have a lot to deal with, but if you have the right rapport then a direct answer is best.
Your personal comfort
The deceased knew you for you, not a false projection of yourself. It’s important that you choose a funeral scent you like to be authentically yourself. Grieving will be even harder while trying to mask your sense of self. Honour your friend, respect the other guests, but don’t conflate this with a need to disguise or apologise for who you are. You are ultimately attending the funeral service for your loved one, not to avoid the ire of gossips.
Appropriate Funeral Perfumes if You Don’t Know or Like the Deceased
Calming Scents
Choose calming scents that sooth or try to make peace. Funeral fragrances featuring notes of chamomile, rosemary, or jasmine can help soothe the mind and ease feelings of grief and sadness.
Subtle and Understated Notes
Funeral perfumes should feature gentle, understated notes that evoke a sense of tranquillity and calm. Look for fragrances with soft floral, powdery, or woody accords that linger softly without overpowering the senses.
Gentle and Soothing Fragrances
Choose perfumes that exude a sense of warmth and comfort, offering a gentle embrace to those in mourning. Fragrances with notes of vanilla, lavender, or sandalwood can evoke feelings of serenity and peace, providing solace during a difficult time.
Practical Tips for Wearing Perfume to a Funeral
Consider a Scent Necklace or Scent Card
Wearing a scent necklace to a funeral, or storing a scent card, gives you the option of hiding or discarding your scent if it doesn’t strike the right tone. Funeral services, along with the wake, can also be all day affairs- if you quickly get bored of your scents, this is a good way to bring multiple options.
Application Techniques for Subtlety
Apply perfume very sparingly to pulse points, opting for a light spritz or dabbing a small amount behind the ears and on the wrists. Aim for a subtle scent that lingers softly without overwhelming others.
Balancing with Other Scented Products
Avoid conflicting scents by choosing unscented or lightly scented body products, such as lotion and deodorant. Use fragrance-free alternatives to ensure that your perfume remains the focal point without clashing with other scents.
Respecting Others' Sensitivities
Be mindful of others' sensitivities to scent, especially in enclosed spaces. Use fragrances that are subtle and non-intrusive, respecting the comfort of those around you during this sensitive time.
Conclusion
Funeral fragrances are a tricky social and emotional balance in the face of loss and unknown. The truth is that no one knows what to do when we lose the ones we love.
Beyond this guide, just do your best and honour your lost ones. Do so by preserving their memory, while remembering that to make new ones is not a betrayal. Loss never goes away, but over time it can feel more bearable.
Take it one day or even one second at a time.
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